Tuesday, May 01, 2007
you know, after we both grad and start working, you had actually blocked and deleted me. i chased you about 2 days asking you the reason. you didnt reply. so i let it be. the out of the blue, 2.5 mths later you suddenly unblocked me. from 9pm all the way til 1 or 2am you keep saying those stuff. want me to meet you ah. miss sleeping on my lap. miss doing those stuff. i dun feel anything at first cos my feelings are numb after all that had happened between us. to be truthful, i dun believe a single word you said. but if you are acting, you acted well. the way you phrased the words had touched me. but deep inside i know its all cos you wanna sex. but on second thoughts, i felt that if you really need that, you would have find me long ago and not wait til 2+mths later. neverthlessly, i just ignored you after you said nvm suan forget it bb. then you do appear offline chat with me. took so long to reply somemore. i just went off to sleep knowing the next day everything will be over.
then on 30 apr (the day after), you actually came my house. opened the door for you and you lied on my bed str8 as usual. i just sat beside you then you suddenly hugged me from behind tight. i dun feel a single thing. but as the time goes by, the mixture of feelings come back. it seems you do need me. physically and mentally. dun wish for me to leave by your side. hugged and kissed me automatically. requested for massage you also do it without any arguements.
dun you find it too late? i know you are a mummy boy and dun wish for your parents to be upset over us. but break le can still be friends mah. why must do childish things like block and delete me? fun meh? then when supposedly you miss me or miss sex, then you come find me. how can i still trust you? its hard to believe again. now i know how you feel when i betrayed you. well, we are quits then. acc you on Sun. thought you will mia on me again. surprisely you didnt.
next day msned me ask me what im doing. smsed me also. after work i went out with fren. only reached home at 1am. saw your personal message where are you >_< i know you are referring to me. i waited 15min. never pm me. i just go sleep nor. end up you smsed me in the middle of the night and asked me where did i go? why didnt i msg you? felt weird. why should you care? you got what you wan. can throw me aside le mah. then you came to find me today again. you always can make me smile i dunno why. i even slipped out the words dear dear unawarely. see you sick and everything still hurts a tiny bit. sms you still will smile despite the topic is wrong. only you can do this to me xia. and then you added me in friendster again. so people will know we are in touch. many pairs of eyes are watching you know? then somemore put the where are you and at that point of time i aint online. dunno if anything will happen anot xia.
but seriously speaking, right now i still a bit upset over the baby when i see you. wished i had kept it so you will stay. but of cos, i prefer my current life. earlier when with you, i asked myself the same question; will i marry you and have this kind of life? til now, my answer is still yes. cos you and i used sex to sustain our love and the feelings we have for each other. i dun mind this life but its no longer possible. your mum's objection is the worse of all. glad to know you are filial. but it hurts. if i am to find a new bf, you and i will be over. currently, i will just treat you as my ex and sex buddy. thats the only way to keep myself together. sorry.
| a simple me. 2:29 PM
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Saturday, April 07, 2007
maybe its cos yesterday i put the piggy as my handphone wallpaper. when i put the piggy wallpaper, its only cos i wish the pigs will bring me luck in mahjong. but somehow, i guess its bcos of this, that i dreamt of you last night. its a dream that warms my heart. i am out with my friends. watching my friends played games. i sat behind them and watched. suddenly you appeared and sat next to me. naturally i just slacked against your shoulders and chatted happily. bros saw us and came over speak to you. i inched away cos i know you dont want bros know about our still-meeting-each-other-secretly issue. yet you pulled me close to you in front of them. "oh well, what can i do?" i was thinking. not long later, you all left.
not sure what happened, the dream changes to a setting whereby im with the bros. they gave me a chinese newspaper to read. they make me read a particular article which shocks me. the article was about a guy publishing in newspaper apologising to the girl he loves for the way he treated her and never cherished her. he asked for another chance to prove himself and that this time he wun be scared off by his parents. the guy who wrote this article is you, Chin Wei Tat.
i was shock. super shock by the article. bros all ask me to trust in you and gave us another chance.
this dream warms my heart deeply. but it is afterall, just a dream. it will never come true. close to two months, we never attempted to contact each other after chinese new year passed. we started working. you started inching away from bros. you blocked me in msn. i no longer put you in a special group at msn. i still once in a blue moon check events for your login. but i never once see you online. the strong feelings i used to have are all gone. i look upon you as a beautiful memories. thats it. this is the ending.
| a simple me. 3:54 PM
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Friday, March 16, 2007
你永远都不能理解我要的是什么
if you understand, you wouldnt have treat me this way
blocked me from msn for no reason. sms ask you no reply
even if you lied, i will feel better as you tried not to make me sad
but you didnt; you chose silence
its painful, do you know that?
you always said that you dunno what im thinking
it aint true ; no one knows me as well as you do
yet you pretend you are dumb and know nuts about me
even acted as if you forgot every single thing about me
asked you meet me before my work start
coincidentally my dad even went overseas
but you dun want to come over
what can i say?
thanks a lot for piercing a knife into my heart
i guess so.
| a simple me. 12:00 AM
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Friday, February 02, 2007
your msn nick have been putting "whole body pain" for weeks. then your personal msg was "can someone help me massage for FREE and LONG?" i assume it was for me. so i just pm you and tell you to please take care of yourself. told you when i dont have sch. end up? get shoot by you. say i am a need to you. a need to satisfy your sexual need nia. then say that after you go in to ns i can go around seducing people with my BREASTS. do you know how mad i am when you said that? ji tao shoot you back. and said that i was freaking wrong to think your personal msg was to me. you then pm me back and said it was really there for me to see. that you are trying to control yourself not to meet me. if thats the case, then why the hell you put that personal msg? you know that i see it will pm you de. then i pm you le then you said such hurtful words. everytime say you dont mean it. everytime say you dunno anything. that you are dumb. you think these excuse can bring away the pain you cause me meh? CANNOT LORSH. THE TEARS JUST ROLL DOWN WHEN YOU SAID I CAN GO SEDUCE PEOPLE TO FIND GF.
today you appeared at my doorstep without a word. you hugged me first but this time the feeling is totally gone. i dun feel that you love me anymore. i dun feel that you are there cos you miss me. i really feel that its bcos of sex thats why you find me. after you shoot, you went washing up. come back, i just hug you tight. you didnt say a word. you ACTUALLY PUSH MY HANDS AWAY FROM YOUR WAIST. thanks a lot. i really wanna cry on the spot. but i didnt. i just walk out, took key and open door for you. out you go. didnt turn to look at me. didnt say goodbye. i slammed my door shut and broke down and cried on the spot for 10minutes.
whats the meaning of this?? are you doing everything course you wanna push me away and forget you? or is it because your heart has really stop loving me? i cant feel anything liaos. i really dunno what the hell you are thinking of anymore. never see you for two months. then you this way. i regret meeting you. i shall not, i must not let you come find me anymore. i shall just leave it as it is. 谢谢你所给又带走的一结。
| a simple me. 9:21 PM
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Wednesday, January 10, 2007
the other time you suddenly went back to indonesia i know something is wrong. but you didnt tell me why. i finally know liao. its cause your grandma fallen sick. she is now in singapore. i dont understand why didnt you tell me. afterall i know her. i just wish to know thats all. so its once again i misunderstand you. no wonder nowadays you hardly online or just online a while nia. its because you have been going hospital accompany her. i wish i could be by your side through this period. but there isnt a chance to. i can only lend you my moral support and hope you will be able to feel it and know that i am always here for you no matter what happen. you must take care of your health alright? i dont wish to add on to your problems. so i shall keep my distance meanwhile. just wish that you are fine. thats all. anything just sms me. always here for you! 爱你一辈子维达！
| a simple me. 9:25 PM
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Tuesday, January 09, 2007
35th day. never have any private moments with you since 35 days ago. neither did we chatted in msn or sms. all i can to do is see you in funland. but even that... it already 15 days since i last saw you. "old things dun go new ones wont come" you yourself said this. so does this mean 2007 there will no longer any contact between the two of us? i have no idea. but i decided. really made up my mind this time. i wont initate contact with you anymore. the only time i will speak to you will be the day you go army. if you decided not to come find me anymore, i will also let it be. neither will i ask bros about your info. let this year be a fresh start for all of us bah.
perhaps you love me once a few years ago. perhaps you were really mad at corliss and baby for bullying me. perhaps you really care and love me the deepest. but i believe, all this is the past. you have left me and moved on. i no longer have a place in your heart. you said two months ago you still have feelings for me but i feel its because i keep bugging you thats why you said them to make me happy. and in order to get what you want. thats what you want me to think of you anyway right? then i will. take care. 童话里的故事都是骗人的。你不可能是我的王子。对不起，我爱你维达。再见！
| a simple me. 9:21 PM
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Sunday, December 31, 2006
its been 26 days since we were last together; since i last hugged and kissed you; since i last was able to be super close to you. have you realise how long its been? what if back then i didnt skipped my test for you? would it mean the time we apart will be 1+ mth? i have no idea. these 26 days... no sms nor any other way of contact from you. saw you at fl nia. sure, i did caught you looking at me. but thats about it. what am i supposed to think of all these? you got your friends so wun feel lonely so dun need me? have you really treated me like a sex toy? when you dont need me liao just throw me aside and neglect me? it really seems so to me. haix. why this way?
past two days was at genting highlands. do you know how frequent i thought of you? maybe its because i only had travelled with you before thus i think of you. but i seriously dun think that was the case. i rmbred when i was cold, you hold me close to me. always walking side by side. the conversations we had while looking at certain things. late at night you sleeping besides me. first person wake up to see was you. morning kisses and everything. bathing the fun we had. so much memories with you. i really miss you a lot. do you feel the same way? or had you really stop loving me? so many things you said and the lies. i know i should trust your words if i truly love you but your actions? it proved otherwise. 2007 coming as of tomorrow. will we still meet? or has the end come? i have no idea. im scared of the future.
| a simple me. 2:55 PM
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