you know, after we both grad and start working, you had actually blocked and deleted me. i chased you about 2 days asking you the reason. you didnt reply. so i let it be. the out of the blue, 2.5 mths later you suddenly unblocked me. from 9pm all the way til 1 or 2am you keep saying those stuff. want me to meet you ah. miss sleeping on my lap. miss doing those stuff. i dun feel anything at first cos my feelings are numb after all that had happened between us. to be truthful, i dun believe a single word you said. but if you are acting, you acted well. the way you phrased the words had touched me. but deep inside i know its all cos you wanna sex. but on second thoughts, i felt that if you really need that, you would have find me long ago and not wait til 2+mths later. neverthlessly, i just ignored you after you said nvm suan forget it bb. then you do appear offline chat with me. took so long to reply somemore. i just went off to sleep knowing the next day everything will be over.
then on 30 apr (the day after), you actually came my house. opened the door for you and you lied on my bed str8 as usual. i just sat beside you then you suddenly hugged me from behind tight. i dun feel a single thing. but as the time goes by, the mixture of feelings come back. it seems you do need me. physically and mentally. dun wish for me to leave by your side. hugged and kissed me automatically. requested for massage you also do it without any arguements.
dun you find it too late? i know you are a mummy boy and dun wish for your parents to be upset over us. but break le can still be friends mah. why must do childish things like block and delete me? fun meh? then when supposedly you miss me or miss sex, then you come find me. how can i still trust you? its hard to believe again. now i know how you feel when i betrayed you. well, we are quits then. acc you on Sun. thought you will mia on me again. surprisely you didnt.
next day msned me ask me what im doing. smsed me also. after work i went out with fren. only reached home at 1am. saw your personal message where are you >_< i know you are referring to me. i waited 15min. never pm me. i just go sleep nor. end up you smsed me in the middle of the night and asked me where did i go? why didnt i msg you? felt weird. why should you care? you got what you wan. can throw me aside le mah. then you came to find me today again. you always can make me smile i dunno why. i even slipped out the words dear dear unawarely. see you sick and everything still hurts a tiny bit. sms you still will smile despite the topic is wrong. only you can do this to me xia. and then you added me in friendster again. so people will know we are in touch. many pairs of eyes are watching you know? then somemore put the where are you and at that point of time i aint online. dunno if anything will happen anot xia.
but seriously speaking, right now i still a bit upset over the baby when i see you. wished i had kept it so you will stay. but of cos, i prefer my current life. earlier when with you, i asked myself the same question; will i marry you and have this kind of life? til now, my answer is still yes. cos you and i used sex to sustain our love and the feelings we have for each other. i dun mind this life but its no longer possible. your mum's objection is the worse of all. glad to know you are filial. but it hurts. if i am to find a new bf, you and i will be over. currently, i will just treat you as my ex and sex buddy. thats the only way to keep myself together. sorry.
| a simple me. 2:29 PM
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