Thursday, April 27, 2006
ii used to owaz tell euu to tell me all ur thots n feelings and not bottled things up. yet now that euu done it, ii feel a bit comprehensive. hearing ur actual feelings hurts sometimes. cuz it seem like euu are thinking abt urself only.. a bit selfish. n ii dunno how to go about not to do those stuff. especially when im in low spirits. ii reli dunno how to entertain euu reli those times. end up will be ii let in. but euu knw me too well. ii was giving in cuz ii dun wan to quarrel with euu. not cuz ii accept ur excuses. then both will be upset n quiet. =( tell me how xia.
seem like ur mum still dun reli like the idea of euu n mie alone in a room. keep watching us n saying us. if euu nv tell mie, ii oso wun know de. hais. why. once wrong jiu cannot lerr meh. sho the wad nor. oreadi give her our word liao. wad else she wan xia. see euu sho stress n bother by this. scare one day euu cannot take it.. then goodness know wad will happen then. ii seriously dun wan see euu n them quarrel over me leii. T.T
meanwhile, euu n ii still very close together despite the quarrels. euu design ur nick til very nice. ii like! then frenzter oso put euu n mie all the way. whahaha. we oso got eat breakfast together. even tho it means ii have to wake up an hour earlier, ii dun mind. can see euu jiu gou lerr. =D 3 more years to go. hope time will pass faster! then we wun be sho stress liao. *weak smile*
| a simple me. 3:09 PM
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Friday, April 21, 2006
if only yoo understand how ii feel. if only yoo think abt my feelings. hais. i oso dunno wad got over me. feeling so sick past few days.. yet yoo can choose games over me. lets take last night for example. yoo wake up at 12+. never even pm me. sms yoo take so long to reply. then after that i tio dc. yoo went to play dota never inform me. yoo said yoo did but i dc.then k lo. wad can i say? ii reli dc ma so i let it past.
then ltr go ur hse. 1st thing is u not by my side. i sit rite of the room. u sat left of the room. >.<~ nvm suan lerr. at least u in same wrong can see u. then come 10pm. ya la. watch fns ur tv then go inside room play ur ms la. leave me outside. ii said u. yoo said, "see la. u again liktt liao". i ji tao walk out lo n u never said a thing. pek chek nor. when u started to show concern too late liao. i oreadi cried. they saw somemore. =( both asked me wad happened. ii juz diam. reach home liao then tell godma. godma oso said cannot be helped cos guys r this way. T.T
last time de yoo everything oso dun wan sae. now de ni tell me all u thinking n feeling. i know ii shd feel happy. but i cant helped but feel a little frustrated. cos ii realise ur thots r so contradicting. when i never keep sms yoo, yoo will complain. then when ii keep sms u, u will not reply. say sry ar, i busy. when cannot pei u, u say sad sad n siansation. when ii by ur side, u will play game or pei bros. diaos nor. so lost. can u pls make up ur mind wad u wan me to do?
yoo are not the only one scare. i oso scare u turn to old u nor. true, ur family may like me n accept me liao. but U r the one im gonna spend with for the rest of my life. if ya gonna treat me this way, ii will keep anyhow think de nor. not as if u dunno how sensitive i am. so ii reli hope b4 u do things, take into consideration my feelings. cos ii love yoo lots n dun wish to lose yoo again. zhu tou harts zhu nao 184!
| a simple me. 8:38 AM
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Wednesday, April 19, 2006
lalala! im sho happi! things are back on track for us again. allowed to go over ur hse everyday. even if godma not around i can oso go. then hor, can ton overnight n hug n slp oso. whahaha. dunno is it because ur popo is around. wadever it is, i dun care! important is we can be like last time again! hehe. then u got make breakfast for me at ur hse wor. cuz i say i lazy to make tea or bread. then i said, "arbo u make for me la". then u give me that toopid grin n just help me make. nv complain somemore. whahaha. so xin fu! then got send me home when i never go back with godma.
ytd i sick u oso ask me dun go work pei u. partly is bcuz ytd u working tts y wan me pei u i knw. but u oso got help me pay the mc money. whahaha. so nice of u! then i save money. lol. then when slping u got turn over hug me too. lalala. we ma chaim lao fu lao qi like that. hehehe. feel so blessed to have u by my side! but ytd nite u working. then me a bit sad sad. cuz usually nite time we got chat on fone or msn de. then last whole nite no sms no nth =( a bit cannot go to slp. slp lerr wake up then slp again. boo! nvm. ytd last time. today will be back to normal liao! kekeke!
| a simple me. 8:24 AM
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Thursday, April 06, 2006
This coming Sat godma n ur mum bringing me go see doc for a checkup to see if I pregnant anot. Kinda frightened now despite the fact u said u did shoot in. still bu fang xin nor. Wad if reli somehow suay got pregnant again? Then u n I sure no more chance liao lorsh. I dun wan that to happen. Asked ur mum if allowed us still together. She said wait til after the visit to clinic then sae. Hais oh well. Keeping my fingers crossed. As for godma, think she had cooled down liao. She said dun mind me calling her godma n still ask after me and initated meet up with me. So now left ur mum problem =(
I realise I dun understand u as well as I thot I did. Last night we quarrel twice in just a short one n a half hour. First is over meeting up. U agreed with godma that there isn’t a need to meet up everyday for a normal couple. U feel that we everyday meet up is more like husband n wife the type of caring. U feel meeting up wasn’t dating. U feel meeting up for just two hours everyday is nth n might as well don’t meet up. Why? I don’t understand why ur thinking this way.
To me, u r a need and a want nor. I feel its necessary to meet up more often n spend more time together. Reason being I dun wanna be left out in ur activites and days ni ming bai ma? I feel meeting up for a few hours a day is much better than not meeting for a long period of time. I agree dating isn’t going ur house and fl. But come on la. U think urself nor. Ask u go out watch movie or go beach u owaz say dun wan. Lazy. Wad can I say? Of cuz end up just staying in amk area la.
Second thing we quarrel abt is u complained and are upset that I didn’t contact u ytd when u were out at fl. U said u were waiting for my sms whole nite but nv did a sms frm me appear. U said the day b4 u nv bring hp out I angry like siao cuz cant contact u. then nowu bring hp out I dun even contact u then u very upset + angry. But did u ever think? I owaz feel u put bros ahead of me despite all that u sae. It seems like u at fl so happi w/o me. I was waiting for a sms frm u while vice versa. In this manner, no one will find each other de nor. Even if I sms u 1st, u dunno wad to reply u will just not reply. Then will give me the impression u mai sms me that’s y I will stop sms-ing u.
Hais. So big a miscommunication nor. Didn’t knw u felt this way. U never wanted to sae anything in the past n I dun like that. Now that u told me everything. I tried to explain but u cant see my point. U can only think of ur own thots. Then wad can I do? It reli hurts to see us this way. Now wad period liao? We cant afford to fall out with each other again. If we do, it will be easier for ur parents to break us up le u knw anot? Cant we just compromise? Dunno la. >.<~
| a simple me. 12:20 PM
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Tuesday, April 04, 2006
hais. damn. ur parents want us to break up. now cant meet up often liao. not even at funland cuz possibility they go there check on u is high. then oso cant keep sms-ing or they sure know its me. same goes for msn. dumb lorsh. now we is pretending to be break up. this feeling sucks. dun understand why everytime when we are very in love with each other things happen de. is it cuz im a dumb girl who do not think before she speaks thus im ruining my own happiness? fook nor.
now im praying hard my menses will come by end of apr. arbo sure die de nor. if kena again hor, sure no chances they let me n u be together again. if never tio, still got the 0.001% there mah. crossing my fingers xia. and hor, if suay suay tio again hor, i dun think i will tell them nor. i rather lie then use my pay go abort. lets not that wun happen k. u said u sure never shoot in. so lets see how ba. dunno if i can take another abortion anot. 2 abortion in 2mths will be the biggest record in the whole world xia. argh. then thats the issue of aborting more than one times harder to convieve. argh! going crazy liao!
another thing is, im so freaking scare u cant hold on. cuz both is ur flesh. cannot ignore me but neither can u neglect ur parents. juz scare that u under too much stress will scramble and break with me. then i can go jump off building liao. or is i cant bear to see u struggle til so jialat n i choose to leave. hais. either way, it wun solve the issue i know. so i will stay on with u thru this. if we can get thru this, i seriously think nth else badder will happen liao. not any that i can think of anyway.
then another thing is, even if we can hold on til 3yrs ltr n they relectantly let us marry hor, how will they treat me? i dun wan to have parents in law who hate me leii >.<~ so freaking depressed and dejected again. starting to tempt with the thought of cutting myself again even tho i no guts de. hais. i gotta be the biggest fool around xia. damn. God bless me one last time. let us be able to get thru this tough period. then we wun dare to anyhow liao le. i will control de! i know i said this a lot of time liaos. but this time i really really learn my mistake liao! this isnt cry wolf story i swear! **waiting for a miracle...
| a simple me. 3:28 PM
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Sunday, April 02, 2006
so freaking frustated with myself. many things happen from ytd til now. let me slowly said ba. ytd noon meet up with godma. wanted to go sell my T610 de. then went to jurong eats & realise my hp phone lock code has been changed by dunno who. then cannot sell. godma super angry with me say y i never check b4hand blah. then u very angry with godma cuz the prsn is godma introduced de tts y we never bother to check. so at mrt u decided not to go back to amk with them. hop on mrt to bugis.
at first u didnt talk much de. but slowly as we wait for my turn to send my dad's hp in for repairments, u started to be like normal again. went to 77th street find ur shoelace. dun have. then u let me decide where to go next. i said go back to amk find heels nor. then u said ok. went to take bus. on the way there saw 3 shoe shops. u pei me shop wor hahas. so nice! first time u n me alone out. love this feeling. so happy!
thot nth bad will happen liaos. then here comes my big mouth. godma asked if we do in indo. i stupid go sae yes la. she went to tell ur mum. now ur mum hear liao very angry like against us together n wanna ask break up. more clever is u decide to say i wanna do it + i force u. ty xia. ur mum sure freaking hate me now. u said juz dun go ur hse n we act brea up can liao. but let me tell u this la. i knw u too well. u owaz listen to parents de nor. one day they give u too much stress, u sure will cannot tahan n break with me de nor. hais. dunno la. damn freaking sad now. fook xia.
| a simple me. 3:43 PM
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