Thursday, May 26, 2005
hmm dunno wad to blog lei.. just know i feeling very sad this few days.. like for example last nite, i talking my best fren. hear how happy she ish with her bf. then talk talk she asked me abt us. then i jiu become very sad lor. last nite i reli very tired. wanna go slp at 2+am de. end up i on bed le keep tossing n turning thinking abt u. trying to think up of ideas how to help u. but i am so stupid. can only think up of 2 solutions. haiz. n its not garantee will work de. i so dumb. cannot make the guy i love happy. haiz. then i heard that u sat 7am take boat go indonesia somemore. u didnt tell me.. i wonder why.. u reli never see me as gf meh? i dun wanna believe that.. aiya dunno la.. u got another sat morning to tell me wor.. i crossing fingers hope that u will tell me n hope i can see u before u go.. i miss u..
| a simple me. 10:28 PM
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Tuesday, May 24, 2005
now de wo dunno shd be happy or sad. today u pm me in msn. said u nat forget the past. n asked me to help u. but u didnt say wanna break. u just asked me how n asked me to gave u time. n of cuz, u had asked me to leave u alone oso. wanna cry when i heard all that. i did cry. but i told myself to be strong. i reli dun believe its the end of us. even if i dreamt that dream while u r by my side, i oso dun wan believe. i wanna hold on to u n never let go. for i reli love u. guess we will be apart again. but u muz rmbr i am owaz here for u de. will be supporting the every decision u make. i juz dun wanna see u sad anymore. cuz it pains my heart seeing u so bothered by the past.. rmbr if u thot of unhappy things, u muz go think of happy things k? i love u.. muacks..
| a simple me. 11:02 PM
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Sunday, May 22, 2005
is yesterday nite a dream come true or wad? finally, u msg me.. ask me if i wanna pei u.. i told u to let me bath 1st but u seem unconvinced that i wanna go over. but still, i went down. when i reached ur hse, i was pretty afraid. so scared u will scold me n ignore me u knw? minutes went by we didnt talk much. finally u ask me over n hug me tight n muack me. do u knw how happy i am? n u told me that i love u u love me. u oso called my dear n laopo. it really really makes me happy n over the clouds! then we fall aslp around 2am ba with u holding me in ur arms. we never slp separately! felt so blessed to have u by my side again! then i started dreaming of u n me together.. then u suddenly disappear n asked my sis past me a big bag.. i looked inside. its the stuff i given u n our memories together. i woke up n cried. we juz like patch then i got this dream.. i really very afraid.. but i choose to believe in u.. i hope u wun neglect me again n i really hope there's no more break up again. cuz i need u. n cuz i love u..,
| a simple me. 10:50 PM
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Saturday, May 21, 2005
ytd nite i go catch midnight movie.. amneity horror.. dunno how spell la.. the show was so freaking scary.. so much blood.. then it was a last minute decision to catch the show.. then we drank so much cold drink beforehand. end up i frezzing inside. then si char bo see not even 15min of the show got frighten n close eye all the way ending up slping. zzz. inside the theater, i am thinking abt u. rmbr the sisters? ya.. u were by my side. hugging u all the way.. miss those times.. ytd i got go kbox oso. then we there singing jay zhuo de 'an jing'. sing not even 2 sentence i broke down crying. useless me rite? haiss. ytd they brought me out is cuz wanna me enjoy de. end up no use making everything worse. cuz i miss u more n more each day. past 8 days are crawling so freaking slowly. dunno how am i supposed to get on by.. why like that.. my fault ba.. haiz.. *gone*
| a simple me. 10:10 AM
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Friday, May 20, 2005
actually decided not to go funland liao.. but dunno why ice suddenly wanna borrow earpiece frm me.. zzz.. so went down.. saw u.. u like the usual old u.. seems so happy without me. hais. thot i saw u looking at me. but i guess its all imagination. u juz coincidently anyhow turn n look ba.. couldnt help myself looking at u.. then went for supper with xiaoyan.. ask her these few days got see u ar.. so say yes n u seems very happy. you shou you siao de.. it juz make me feel worse.. n i juz broke down in front of jin n yan. why muz u be this way.. do i reli mean nth to u? juz broke 6 days only.. n u seems so happy.. now i finally know why u say u regret going stead with me.. its cuz i dun bring u happiness. heart ache.. all the tears.. i guess its nth to u ba. the times we spent together from 15 mar 2004 to 08 may 2005 oso nth to u ba.. so lost.. so dunno wad to do now.. juz wanna cry.. jzu hope i can wake up from this nightmare.. *sob sob*
--tong hua li tuo si bian ren de.. ni bu ke neng si wo de wang zi--
| a simple me. 1:37 AM
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Wednesday, May 18, 2005
i done all i can liao.. i thought things carefully the past few days when i didnt sleep. u have changed a lot. n i am partly to blame for the chance in u. from loving me u has gone to hating me due to the things i done. well, thru all that has happen n the change in u has never make my love for u decrease at all. thus i know my love for u is real de. i never regret knowing u still. i only regret doing the things i did. for the 1st time, the past 5 days that we broken up seems like 5mths to be. n i know i had lost u for good. sincerely, i wanna get u back on ur feet. i wanna help u become the old Chin Wei Tat which ish happy-go-lucky.. i so wanna help u.. but u refuses my help. u chose to walk out on everything. as i owaz say, loving sum1 is not abt owning the prsn. tis wanting him or her to be happy, so since u wan me out so much, i will go. msgs frm me to u will be a zero unless i go fl. reason i told u le. goodbye my love.
**learning to be brave so that i can suffer in the lonly world**
| a simple me. 4:23 AM
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Monday, May 16, 2005
blog can u move? then take a knife n stab me? cuz i suddenly damn super freaking stress n blurred. wad happen is that i suddenly dunno why keep thinking abt wad happen that day. its like, i suddenly not sure of myself if that day he wanna break anot de. cuz when he brought up the past, i juz went blank as i dun wan him keep thinking abt that past. so i told him if he reli that bothered over it, then we break lor. suddenly it occurs to me that he may not wanted break. he may juz be telling me his thoughts nia. realising this got me freaked out. i got a feeling i reli did wrong by saying break! argh! then i msg him ask him. as expected, he bo reply. but i got a feeling he haven slp. crap!!! dun think i can slp tonite. >.<~ where is the ans which i so badly need?
oh yah. i wanna sae sumtin. though me n him broke only 3 days, this time it felt like 3 weeks. the time is reli crawling by super duper idiotically slowly. n its driving me mad! i wanna say sorry to him lei.. but its like, i dun think he will care lor. then if we patch, n he's gonna treat me that way again, how can i take it xia? i'm caught in the middle. follow my heart or lets things take their natural path?
| a simple me. 3:53 AM
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Sunday, May 15, 2005
wanna blog ytd de. but no mood. sho many things happen. to me la. dunno wad got over me ytd. i went ur hse to return u the hearts i promised to fold for u everyday. i am so scared that u open the door urself. lucky u didnt its ur mum. but still, when i pass the stuff to ur mum, i saw u. sho wanna break down n cry atm. but i am strong. told ur mum i meeting frenz den i sat at the staircase. so hoping that u will come after me. but u didnt. msg u oso bo reply. freaking sad. as if not enuff, u turned up at fl with ice. then scold me n threatened to slap me. toot de lor. ice is my fren oso lei. u r with him thus i mention ur name lei. wanna ask him movie thing lei. then u sae i disturbing ur frenz. i got tell u i at fl de lor. dunno u come down for wad. thot ish bcuz of me. but aft u send that msg i know its DEFINITELY not cuz of me. end up in walk in the rain home. didnt bother to take bus cuz feeling super down. reach home onli at 2+ i think. then the ming xing san jue yi pw bu jian. -.- kena forced to pm u by weihao (thanks ah). argh! y muz i owaz play the good prsn n suffer alone? reli damn sad lor. i dunno how long i can act happy in front of u le. i reli dunno. hais.
| a simple me. 3:56 PM
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Friday, May 13, 2005
i dunno how to let go. i reli have no idea. its just the edn when today u msg me n said u cant forget the past. again. u said that. my mind just went blank. i know i did wrong as to the corliss thing. i reli regret it oso. but u never seem to realise it. u think i did it on purpose didnt u? put urself in my shoes. if ur 1st love got drunk, 1st prsn find is u. will u go meet her to take care of her? i did. cuz i am not heartless. n i still see him as a good fren. its my fault. i ruined my happiness with my own hands. i paid the price. the past 8mths, ever since oct, i had never been reli happy cuz of the way u treat me. i let u played me for 8mths. i let u treat me like a fool. i let myself be hurt by u time again again. is it enuff? i reli dunno. i cant bear to leave u. but i hate seeing u upset over the past. its hard to make the things i did undone. its hard for u to forgive me. its hard for me to let u go oso. but if it can make u happy, if u can go back to the old Chin Wei Tat, thats it worth the pain i feel ba. do u know how heartache i am when i decided to leave u? when i sae that "we are over. bye"? when i wrote all that email? do u know how much i cried? it doesnt matter to u anyway.
went funland today. saw u so happy. i finally understand that u reli dun need me. all along i am just an extra. hais. sad. lucky i asked zhi rong along. he is there to accompany me. wonder if u r jealous when u saw me sitting next to him? i guess not. so wanna cry. so wanna hate u. but i cant. i can only hate myself for being the way i am. that email.... i guess it will be the last i hear from u. u said it. thats the last chance for me. well. u broke with me. i guess thats no more xintat ever again. but this blog will be around. as long as i still love u, it will be. the promises i made still stand. i love u Chin Wei Tat, now til i die. hope u can find ur better half in ITE. all the best.
*sobbing in the cold n lonely nite, thinking back to my happy past which will never come back*
| a simple me. 10:01 PM
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Thursday, May 12, 2005
seriously lei. i dunno wad the hell i did lei. i knw trust once lost is hard to gain back. but come on, i am ur girlfren lei. STEAD lei. we call each other laogong laopo de lei. do u seriously think u r treating me like a gf now? why dun i think so? avoiding me like ghost. its reli driving me nuts. as if not enuff, u still go out with ice watch movie. wad u keep telling me? u hated watching movie. so i never forced u to watch with me. ice open his mouth ask then u sae yes. crap crap crap! do u knw how much i wanted watch movie with u? do u know how long is it since we last went out on a date as a couple? i am not mad lei. i am just freaking disappointed n hurt by ur actions. i reli dunno wad to say. i just feel like crying now. thanks.
| a simple me. 11:28 AM
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Wednesday, May 11, 2005
u r still acting the way u r.. avoiding me.. go ur hse on monday nite.. u like very the good lei.. but when hao show u a ger's pic, i asked hu u refused sae. still sae i bo liao. then ur chest there got sumtin like love bite. but u keep saying is mosquito bite. dunno la. i reli cant recall if i'd given u a love bite the other time. haisssss. then shuo hao i wake up then go home. end up u woke up 1st n chase me home. do u knw how sad i am? dunno la.... just hope to see the same old you back. i dun wan the weitat now do u understand? i am changing le. scartch that. i changed le. no vulgarities no play mj or drink liao. no lie to u either le. why dun u believe me? y cant u see it? *SIGH*
| a simple me. 11:53 PM
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u r still acting the way u r.. avoiding me.. go ur hse on monday nite.. u like very the good lei.. but when hao show u a ger's pic, i asked hu u refused sae. still sae i bo liao. then ur chest there got sumtin like love bite. but u keep saying is mosquito bite. dunno la. i reli cant recall if i'd given u a love bite the other time. haisssss. then shuo hao i wake up then go home. end up u woke up 1st n chase me home. do u knw how sad i am? dunno la.... just hope to see the same old you back. i dun wan the weitat now do u understand? i am changing le. scratch that. i changed le. no vulgarities no play mj or drink liao. no lie to u either le. why dun u believe me? y cant u see it? *SIGH*
| a simple me. 11:03 AM
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Monday, May 09, 2005
haiz. I now a bit regret liao la. Why that time I told him I only need him to pei me once a day? Now he reli takes my word for it. T.T so on this part is my fault I admit. But I oso got sae that i wanna him msg me 1 or 2 times a day mah. Is it that hard to do? I felt like a fool. Everyday at home, juz holding my hp, waiting for his msg which never comes. Argh. Why did I end up loving such a guy? I oso dunno. N I got a feeling u love me not even half as much as I love u. *sigh* hurt xia.
| a simple me. 8:39 PM
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Sunday, May 08, 2005
Do you know wad is frustrated? Never did know that being in love can be so much of a pain. Its reli a hard decision to make; to stay or to leave. If I were to leave him, I will feel not at ease. I sure will keep on worrying about him, is he taking care of himself n all that. But if I were to continue being with him, its kinda like a torturement to myself. Cuz he dun even appreciate me as his stead. Neither do he reli treat me as stead. Find me onli when needs me or miss me badly. Other than that? Juz throw me aside as if I dun exist. Wad the fuck lor. Can I ever find him when I need him? The ans is no. But whenever he calls me, do I appear in front of him? Yes I do. Still say patch le wun treat me this way. End up now wad am I facing? Again his attitude. Ask him if muz avoid me like a ghost, he actually replied me “yes”. Which reli upsets me lor. I am giving him a mth’s time. If when we reach a yr’s anniversary, things are this way… I think I sure will have a final break. Cuz to be with him, I gave up my freedom. I gave up mj n my attitude. He gotta show me that he is worth it. If not, I guess it’s the end.
| a simple me. 11:08 PM
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Wednesday, May 04, 2005
i sho didnt expect it xia. we patch up again. yup. xintat again. i reli cant believe it. i thought we r gone case liao lei. after the way the siao char bo backstab me. but surprisingly he willing to start over again. provided i dun lie, play mj n drink liao. i accept all those terms. n we agree that its the last chance as in reli reli the last chance. i told him if this time i ever do him wrong again, juz break with me on the spot. ya. i said all that. i am freaking serious this time abt him. i not gonna care abt wad others say. i juz gonna go with my heart n intution. i trust that he n i can prove others wrong. we can make it de. i will sacrifice. i will do wad i promise him n be honest. thank God i found him back. no more sadness. walking out of the dark world liao. YIPPEE!!!
| a simple me. 8:44 PM
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Sunday, May 01, 2005
hmm... these few days whenever i got thing i wanna tell him i will used email msg him de.. why have things come to sho a pathetic state ar? i oso dunno lei. wanted sho much to apologise to him. but its like.. i dunno where to start lor. plus its not entirely moi fault.. if he did nth wrong, we wouldnt have end up this way either. then hor, i oso dun wan go back to that kind of unsteady r/s. sho unsure of wad to do now... hmmm i said to myself that i will wait for a month or two b4 deciding wad to do lei.. then ppl around me keep saying we sure will patch again lor. diaos.. juz cause we owaz been patching n breaking.. wtf lor... this time i seriously feel its the end lor.... dunno la....
it seems like he still care.... dunno lei.. he msg yan all the weird weird msg... wad julia cannot go out these few days ar... wad dun trust julia la.. you believe her words meh.. all the fucking hurting words.. dammit de lor... since when i offended him xia.. dun care act as if care for wad... dunno lei.. kor asked me to trust my feelings.. but i seriously dunno wad my feelings ish telling me.... i feel he cant be faked de.. but thing is.... why he changed sho the very fast then? fark up la... dun wanna think la.. haix....
| a simple me. 8:58 PM
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